I’m Back!

2014-03-01 16.14.43

I know I am the queen of hiatuses. (Hiati? Nope, that does not sound right.) Usually it’s because of moving or traveling or just pure, unadulterated laziness. In this case, it was a delightful mixture of all three.

I’m not guaranteeing I’ll keep up with this blog all of the time. But, as I say in after all of my extended blogging breaks, I’ll try really, really hard this time. Promise. Cross my heart or whatever.

So, I guess I should let some of you old friends know changes in my life. Judson and I broke up (I know this might be a common on again/off again theme, but this was a real thing. For real. Broken up. I even took him off my About TSDC page. So, yeah, it’s official). Of course I am a little sad about it. More than a little, probably. But I am a huge denier of pent up feelings, and I push them aside with good ol’ Faulknerian alcoholism/walking/writing combinations. As someone important probably said at one point, “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself.” I find this quote complete bullshit, but I’m using it as my mantra while I try to not strangle anyone who mentions Judson’s name to me.

I am also out there, dating, again. I mean, you know who you are (and I like you lots and you know all of this already). It is incredibly fun and rewarding, and I hope that dating continues to come naturally to us. Don’t let my sarcasm, cynicism, and emotional immaturity scare you away.

My parents are fine, in case you were wondering.

Besides relationships, I am still working on this master’s thesis. And by working, I mean avoiding. I write here and there, collect artifact data until my eyes bleed, and drink coffee as if caffeine were air. I read a lot of books. So, um…that means it’s going well right?

I tell myself every day: you are not doing enough creative writing. And that’s the truth of it. I should be pouring over short stories, editing the shit out of them. I should probably even write one now and again. But after forcing myself to exercise, forcing myself to be productive at school, and trying to find a part-time job…yeah. I get tired. And start watching the fantastic television that has been made in the past year. Seriously, they are doing a great job in that realm of entertainment.

But, somehow, through all of this…stuff…I’m super happy. Go figure. Apparently I was meant for challenges. Boredom does not sit well with my mental state. I feel super positive these days; maybe due to denial of my real feelings as mentioned above? All kidding aside, something in my brain is going well. I have good friends, good family, and I really am starting to like growing older. I have a good feeling about this year. Want to see my resolutions? [Oh yeah, that’s right. I still love lists.]

1. Travel to at least two new countries. I would like for them to be in Asia or South America, but let’s get real- I just want to travel.

2. I would like to start sticking to a schedule. This is my resolution every year, but I’ve already been doing it for a month, so gods’ speed.

3. I would like to learn about new subjects completely unrelated to my field. I want to learn languages, become fluent in the basics of astrophysics, and maybe be able to talk about the economy without grimacing.

4. Learn to be comfortable doing things alone. You are 26 fucking years old. You should be able to eat at a restaurant without a make-out partner.

5. Get a dog. Heee.

6. Read more. You only got to like 25 books last year. Shame.

7. Stop worrying about your weight. Shit, you look great! [I have changed losing weight to just becoming comfortable with who I am. Seems more feminist, easier, and, honestly, I lose more weight when I’m not trying to because….*fumes*]

8. Use way more social media. Because it makes me look cool. And because my phablet is completely awesome.

9. Write, write, write, write, write….

10. Follow your intuition, gut feelings, spontaneity.

And last of all, but most importantly,

11. Don’t be afraid to fail. Failing is learning. What would happen if you accomplished everything you wanted easily and without some struggle? First of all you’d be bored. Secondly, you’d be boring as a person. You’d never learn.

I honestly think I can stick to these. They aren’t too ambitious, and if I don’t do well at them, I won’t be devastated. Anyone got some good ones they have already been sticking to? Or if you have any news feel free to comment. I miss all of yous.

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Schedule

I am starting to paint my new triplicate of the animals! I want it to look a little monster-y with bright, neon colors and their names framed around their portraits. I painted some of Fritz’s yesterday, and will post them up here as I get them done. As a little teaser, I found something online that is done in kind of the style I’m going for:

I also decided my new schedule today. I’m one of those people who doesn’t need a schedule, but when I have one I try to stick to it. Especially since I am going to try to lose weight, I need a strict eating and working out schedule because I am notorious for not eating enough to keep my metabolism going. I’m hoping the schedule will also help me complete some art and writing projects, among other things.

Here’s the schedule (shut up, bitches, I know it’s boring):

  • 6:30 AM- Running
  • 7:00 AM- Breakfast and getting ready for work
  • 9:00 AM- Work
  • 10:00 AM- Snack #1
  • 12:00 PM- Lunch
  • 2:00 PM- Snack #2
  • 3(or5)PM- Come home from work and hang out with the fandamily
  • 6:00- Cook dinner
  • 7:00- Paint or work on another art project
  • 8:00- Write
  • 9:00- Read
  • 10:00- Clean and get ready for the next day of running, arting, writing, reading, sex…I mean, sleeping.

Again, I know it’s a boring-ass schedule. But, there are a couple of writing projects I really want to focus on: the sci-fi series Jud and I are writing for adults, a series for young adults (full disclosure soon), a poetry project I’ve had in my mind for years, and a series of short stories I’ve already finished but which need to be revised. It sounds like a lot of work, and it is! But it’s about time to put in the effort because I’m sick of just sitting here without the recognition, respect, and hookers and blow that I deserve. Wow, don’t worry, I was kidding about the hookers.

And, hopefully, as my artistic confidence rises up and up and hits the ceiling, opportunities will come my way. I know that writing is what I am meant to be doing. I’ve known it since the fourth grade. And, yeah, judge this blog all you want. But I hate to break it to you: it’s a damn blog. I’m writing here like I’m talking to you, not like I want you to put me up for the Nobel Prize in Literature.

Oh, and another thing: visiting the ANT department at ECU soon…hope they never read this blog.